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To those of you who don't have mothers, had bad mothers, have lost a child, or can't conceive

Posted on by Kate Ball

Mother's Day isn't always a day of celebration. For a lot of people, it's a painful reminder of something we'll never have, unimaginable loss, or mother's we wish we didn't or did have.

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To those of you who don't have mothers, had bad mothers, have lost a child, or can't conceive

Please know you are not alone. You didn't deserve this, and I'm so sorry for how much it hurts.

There are those of us who know how dark life can be. We know the depths of depression, pure and utter despair. The endless pain and endless tears.

You are not alone. You do deserve better. Especially those of us who continue to celebrate those who have had better.

I wish you all the best and hope, so deeply, you can find it in yourself to be kind to yourself today. Perhaps you should treat yourself to something special. You deserve love, and to be loved. You always have. You are not broken. Life is just so unjust. So fragile.

But if you need to cry, cry. It's ok to fall apart. It's ok to hurt. It's also ok to celebrate that you are a warrior. You never deserved to live through this level of misfortune and torture. But somehow you did, you've managed to survive. And sometimes the best we can do is take it one moment at a time.

If your mother was in your life, but found joy in hurting you -- my heart aches for you with compassion. Every child deserves to be loved.

A bad mother is sometimes worse than no mother at all. The unpredictable moods, the torture. The things she did to you to amuse her sickened mind. I'm so sorry. You should have never of been abused. No matter what you did, you could not have pleased her and you can not fix her. There was nothing that would have ever have made her love you appropriately like a mother is supposed to. I know what it is like to watch your friends with desperation, wishing your mother wanted more than just to hurt you. Every child deserves a good mother.

I am so proud of. You survived. Even when you had nothing to hold on to. Even when your childhood revolves around her terrorizing you. I am so proud of you for fighting and remaining so strong. I know her venomous words still may linger and eat away at you. There is nothing you could have done to fix her. To make her love you. To make her show up when a mother is supposed to be there to celebrate your life and comfort you.

And to those of you who have lost their child, no matter how old, whether still in utero, or a grown adult -- I am so sorry. The depths of horror you're survived is the ultimate punishment of a lifetime.

All the strength that you somehow mustered to get through each agonizing moment at a time. I hope you find it in yourself to forgive yourself.

No matter what happened, even if it was, it wasn't your fault. No matter how many times you run it through your head, imagining how you could have done things different so they could have survived, will not being them back. If you can, please do forgive yourself. Your child already has, and is in a much better place than this Earth. Replace your guilt with an appreciation of their fragile life and celebrate the moments you did have. Forgive yourself so that you can let the good memories remain in your heart and mind.

Please remember there are children who are alone, and trapped in foster care. Moving from house to house with all their clothing, toys, and memories shoved into garbage bag. They need love the most. They'd give anything to have a mom or dad. Please consider adoption. Please consider that you could turn their entire world upside down with your love and compassion. Sure it wouldn't be easy, but nothing in your life really has been.

And to all the mothers who have managed to rise above and conquer, be proud, but be humble. Reach out to those who still struggle.

But if you need to cry, cry. It's ok to fall apart. It's ok to hurt. It's also ok to celebrate that you are a warrior. You never deserved to live through this level of misfortune and torture. But somehow you did, you've managed to survive. And sometimes the best we can do is take it one moment at a time.